Hurdles

     We all have obstacles. We face them every day. But, sometimes you hit a point when things are so discouraging, that you have to wonder what the purpose is in trying to keep a positive attitude. We have been on the market since mid-July. Everyone who has come to see our apartment loves it! Then they go home and research, and any hope that we had of selling is dashed. Our co-op board has decided to be extremely difficult about the acceptable selling price, and understandably, this turns potential buyers off from the development. I just want to cry. We are currently filled to capacity in this unit. Our living space is definitely standing room only. We can't fit a grain of salt in our attic. My daughter doesn't have space to learn how to walk! We can't even access our Christmas Tree up there anymore, which makes me wonder exactly how we are celebrating Christmas this year. I am already all to aware of where we will be celebrating.

     Thus far, this entire post sounds very whiny, even to my own ears (or I guess technically, my eyes). I am so thankful that we have a roof over our heads when there are so many other people who do not. We have food, love, heat, and running water. I guess the frustration comes from being stuck in a predicament where something is so far out of our hands. It's like we can see the goal within reach, and yet there is a huge barricade in our way that we are powerless to break through. It took a lot for us to get to a point where we could comfortably afford a house while I stay home with our daughter, and now we are just in limbo, waiting for the opportunity. Life never goes according to plan. Maybe if it did, it would be boring? I'd like to opportunity to find out on my own. Enough whining. I promise the next post (which I am about to write), will be more upbeat. It's all about Vivi's beautiful birthday party!

Not Guilty?

     Today my heart hurts. I have been following the Caylee Anthony story since it first broke in the news that this beautiful child was missing. For three years, I have watched this bizarre story unravel and take many, unexpected twists and turns. I sat, on my honeymoon, glued to the television each day at 8:00 p.m. to watch Nancy Grace, praying and waiting for the news that Caylee had been found alive. I cried buckets when they found her body. And today, I shed tears again for this beautiful soul, who has touched so many lives.

     Tonight, when the house was quiet, and everyone was in bed, I sat and watched Viviana sleep, and I wept for a very, very long time. I tried and tried to wrap my brain around what transpired for Caylee, but try as I might, I don't understand. The world may never know what happened to this beautiful, little girl, but there is someone who does. And in a few days time, this woman who was supposed to protect her from all that is evil in the world, may very well walk out of the jail and carry on with her life, while her two-year-old sits in an urn, frozen in time, on her grandparents' mantel. This beautiful child, who should still be with us, enjoying the summer and turning six, will now eternally be the toddler whose story stole my heart. How can I feel good about my child living in a world where things like this can happen?

     As I do not know what really happened to Caylee, I can't sit here and say that her mother is guilty of murder, or manslaughter, but to not be found guilty on child neglect at the very least? Mind boggling! I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, one thing that Caylee's mother is guilty of: she failed her child. It tears my heart apart to know that this child was dumped on the side of the road like trash. That this beautiful girl, who smiled in pictures and giggled on videos was silenced with duct tape across her mouth. Did she cry for her mother in her final moments? Was she alone? Was she scared? Was she in pain? As I look at my daughter, I know that I would do anything in the world to protect her. If anything ever happened to my precious angel, that would be the day that my world came crumbling down around me. I would not be partying. I would not be getting tattoos. And I certainly (regardless of the truth in yet another's of Casey's stories) would NOT be covering for anybody who may have been responsible for any kind of harm that might come to her.

     My heart aches for Caylee. I am so, very sorry to even know the name of this little girl who lived hundreds of miles away. For my knowing her name means that she was not just an ordinary girl, living out her life in another part of the country. But the lessons that I have learned from this beautiful child in regard to loving and mothering my precious gift are valuable beyond words.  I pray that Caylee is at peace, and somehow knows nothing of the chaos that occurred today, yet knows how many lives she has touched. The light that twinkles in those gorgeous eyes in the pictures that we see, now twinkles in the sky, making the night a bit brighter. Rest in Peace, sweet angel.

August 9, 2005-June 16, 2008