Hurdles

     We all have obstacles. We face them every day. But, sometimes you hit a point when things are so discouraging, that you have to wonder what the purpose is in trying to keep a positive attitude. We have been on the market since mid-July. Everyone who has come to see our apartment loves it! Then they go home and research, and any hope that we had of selling is dashed. Our co-op board has decided to be extremely difficult about the acceptable selling price, and understandably, this turns potential buyers off from the development. I just want to cry. We are currently filled to capacity in this unit. Our living space is definitely standing room only. We can't fit a grain of salt in our attic. My daughter doesn't have space to learn how to walk! We can't even access our Christmas Tree up there anymore, which makes me wonder exactly how we are celebrating Christmas this year. I am already all to aware of where we will be celebrating.

     Thus far, this entire post sounds very whiny, even to my own ears (or I guess technically, my eyes). I am so thankful that we have a roof over our heads when there are so many other people who do not. We have food, love, heat, and running water. I guess the frustration comes from being stuck in a predicament where something is so far out of our hands. It's like we can see the goal within reach, and yet there is a huge barricade in our way that we are powerless to break through. It took a lot for us to get to a point where we could comfortably afford a house while I stay home with our daughter, and now we are just in limbo, waiting for the opportunity. Life never goes according to plan. Maybe if it did, it would be boring? I'd like to opportunity to find out on my own. Enough whining. I promise the next post (which I am about to write), will be more upbeat. It's all about Vivi's beautiful birthday party!

Worst Blogger Ever!

    I am so disappointed in myself for disappearing from this blog, but things have been absolutely insane around here. At first, I thought I would just be on a brief hiatus while we traveled to Greece, and that I would come back and put up wonderful pictures (which I will, I promise). However, sometimes life doesn't care about our plans. So, in addition to the trip to Greece, I have spent the hiatus listing our house for sale, cleaning it like a maniac in case anyone wants to come see, house hunting, planning an extremely elaborate 1st Birthday party (which has now doubled in size), and most recently fleeing a hurricane.

     I have to say that I am becoming a bit discouraged with the process of selling our home. We had to break our contract with the realtor today. After being listed for six weeks, we have had but one showing, horrible communication on her part, and every request we've made has been met with resistance. While I am glad that we came to the decision to part ways, I can't say that I'm not bummed by the thought of now having to start this process all over again. We've been told by a couple of people in the real estate world that we basically have a small window of time to sell this place before the cold weather hits, and then the probability of it selling before next spring or summer drops significantly. I cannot bear the idea of another Christmas Eve with 15 people crammed in our tiny 2-bedroom, preparing all of that food in our efficiency kitchen. It drives me nuts that my daughter does not have a space of her own, but rather shares her bedroom with our computer. The bottom line is we have passed growing out of this apartment and it feels like a short matter of time before our belongings are spilling out into the street. You know, kind of like those cartoons where people keep cramming stuff into a house and then the roof pops off?

     The Birthday party is coming along, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't stressed (t-minus 19 days!), but it is a good kind of stress. I am making a good majority of the decorations myself, and enjoy event planning so much that if I ever lose my laziness, I would love for it to be more than just a hobby. I am waiting on the cupcake tower to arrive so that I can decorate it to match our hot pink and zebra theme. The menu is planned, and the candy buffet is mapped out, although not purchased yet. My biggest stress is the d.j., who I haven't been able to get in touch with, although I know very well that he is dependable. I am not so much worried about him, as just wanting to get the bill squared away and go over some last minute details. My other big stress is the food. Prior to our guest list growing to a ridiculous number, I had no problem cooking for this party, in an effort to cut some costs. Now I find myself faced with a guest list of 71 people, and growing daily. That is a small wedding! Regardless, it is going to be an absolutely fantastic party, and I can't wait to put up pictures!

     Which brings us to this chick, Irene. I don't know who the hell she thinks she is, but I am sure glad she's gone. I hope that everyone stayed safe during the storm, and pray for the people who have lost their homes, lives, and cherished belongings. As for us, we drove down to the NJ Shore (the family-oriented part, not the MTV version) on Thursday morning, against my better judgment, to begin our vacation of Thursday through Monday. By the time we arrived, the prognosis for both NJ and our home in Queens, NY was not looking good. I told my husband that we should turn around multiple times during the drive. He didn't listen. Finally, I told him that we should arrive, speak to the hotel to see what accommodations could be made so that we would not lose our deposit, and hightail it the hell out of there! When his brother-in-law told him the same thing upon our arrival, he finally saw the light. The hotel was more than accommodating, and we will be driving back down this Labor Day weekend to finally have our vacation! (Biscayne Motel you rock!!). We stayed for a couple of hours after arriving, to stretch our legs a little bit, and eat a good dinner, but by the time dinner was done, it had already been decided that a mandatory evacuation would be in place by noon the next day. I am so glad that we left when we did, as I have heard absolute horror stories about the crazy amount of traffic the following day. We finally arrived home at 3 a.m. and sat waiting for Irene.
    

     We are so blessed that we escaped this storm with no damage more severe than a couple of tree branches blown down. There are areas nearby that are completely submerged, family members still without electricity, and many areas of our borough that had been placed under mandatory evacuation. We are very fortunate that our family is safe, dry, and warm, and pray for the speedy recovery for the areas that were not as fortunate.

Not Guilty?

     Today my heart hurts. I have been following the Caylee Anthony story since it first broke in the news that this beautiful child was missing. For three years, I have watched this bizarre story unravel and take many, unexpected twists and turns. I sat, on my honeymoon, glued to the television each day at 8:00 p.m. to watch Nancy Grace, praying and waiting for the news that Caylee had been found alive. I cried buckets when they found her body. And today, I shed tears again for this beautiful soul, who has touched so many lives.

     Tonight, when the house was quiet, and everyone was in bed, I sat and watched Viviana sleep, and I wept for a very, very long time. I tried and tried to wrap my brain around what transpired for Caylee, but try as I might, I don't understand. The world may never know what happened to this beautiful, little girl, but there is someone who does. And in a few days time, this woman who was supposed to protect her from all that is evil in the world, may very well walk out of the jail and carry on with her life, while her two-year-old sits in an urn, frozen in time, on her grandparents' mantel. This beautiful child, who should still be with us, enjoying the summer and turning six, will now eternally be the toddler whose story stole my heart. How can I feel good about my child living in a world where things like this can happen?

     As I do not know what really happened to Caylee, I can't sit here and say that her mother is guilty of murder, or manslaughter, but to not be found guilty on child neglect at the very least? Mind boggling! I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, one thing that Caylee's mother is guilty of: she failed her child. It tears my heart apart to know that this child was dumped on the side of the road like trash. That this beautiful girl, who smiled in pictures and giggled on videos was silenced with duct tape across her mouth. Did she cry for her mother in her final moments? Was she alone? Was she scared? Was she in pain? As I look at my daughter, I know that I would do anything in the world to protect her. If anything ever happened to my precious angel, that would be the day that my world came crumbling down around me. I would not be partying. I would not be getting tattoos. And I certainly (regardless of the truth in yet another's of Casey's stories) would NOT be covering for anybody who may have been responsible for any kind of harm that might come to her.

     My heart aches for Caylee. I am so, very sorry to even know the name of this little girl who lived hundreds of miles away. For my knowing her name means that she was not just an ordinary girl, living out her life in another part of the country. But the lessons that I have learned from this beautiful child in regard to loving and mothering my precious gift are valuable beyond words.  I pray that Caylee is at peace, and somehow knows nothing of the chaos that occurred today, yet knows how many lives she has touched. The light that twinkles in those gorgeous eyes in the pictures that we see, now twinkles in the sky, making the night a bit brighter. Rest in Peace, sweet angel.

August 9, 2005-June 16, 2008