Love Bug. A Love Story

     As promised, today is the day that I share Vivi's story. All of my close friends and family know it, but until this point, I have never written it down. I would say that I don't like talking it, but everything that has happened has led to this point. Sometimes, you have to deal with some storms in order to get the rainbow. I can say with absolute certainty that every, single raindrop was worth it. Here goes:

     In February of 2010, during one of the horrible N.Y. snow storms, I woke up early to call into work (as a teacher) to see if we were closed for the day. As it ended up, we were, but I figured since I was awake already, I might as well take a pregnancy test, since it was officially accurate timing to test. Mind you, it was about 5 a.m. My husband and I had been trying for a few months, and I had just gotten used to the disappointment of the negative test each month. I tried to keep a positive outlook, as things had finally started to look up for our family. After being laid off for nearly a year, my husband had finally gained employment that fall, and thus, our journey to start a family began. I just knew that it had to happen for us soon. So, on that snowy morning, I took a test and finally saw the + I had been dying to see. Forgetting the time of day and the fact that my husband was in a dead sleep, I woke him up, jumping up and down, with the tears flowing (so much for my plan to tell him on Valentine's Day, if that month should be the month that I got my positive lol). Needless to say, we were absolutely blissful and in a bit of shock :) After work, I had hubby swing by the drugstore for more tests, just to be sure.

     Two months later, I was in tears yet again, because while I was elated over this new chapter in our lives, my husband found himself laid off for the second time in as many years. Marketing is a tough field, and one of the first to be cut when a company struggles in this economy. It was April, and I was due in October (on the 22nd). Our plan had always been for me to stay home and raise our children. Now suddenly we had this baby on the way, and our plans were slowly unraveling. Luxuries that we took for granted quickly had to be cut so that we could keep our heads above water on his unemployment and my small teacher's salary. No maternity pictures for us :(. We had to worry about how we were going to feed and clothe this baby.

     Fast forward to the summer. My husband, by August, was still unemployed, and my salary was due to end in September, as I was no longer a teacher at my school. We held a yard sale in late August to try to earn some money. It was very hot, and after two days on my feet, I was swollen!! My doctor had told me to give her a call if I should have any sudden swelling or a headache that wouldn't go away. After two days with the same headache, I decided to give her a call, and was sent to labor and delivery. At the hospital, they determined that my blood pressure was a bit elevated, and while it was not an emergency situation, I had to be monitored closely. My weekly appointments would begin a little earlier than customary.

     Two weeks later, I went to my weekly appointment for the routine blood pressure, protein, and weight check. It was September 15th. I was happy with the fact that I had a little over a month to go (I was 34 weeks, 5 days), and everything was in order. My plan was to go for my appointment, and then head to Babies R Us to exchange some things. In the office, my blood pressure and protein were high, and the doctor decided to send me to labor and delivery to be monitored for 24 hours, in case of pre eclampsia. So we headed to the hospital, and sat in the hallways of labor and delivery, as I listened to women in labor, screaming in pain (a very cruel joke for the hospital to play, by the way). I was brought into triage where I waited until there was a room set up for my 24 hour stay. Sometime between being set up in triage and brought to my room, my blood pressure sky rocketed, and what was supposed to be routine monitoring quickly turned into a serious situation. The nurse came in and said, "We need to induce, NOW." I burst into tears (and I am not a crier, at all). But it was too early! She needed to stay in there for another 5 weeks.

     Eighteen hours later, there was no progress (although there were sure as hell contractions) and my blood pressure was climbing still. We were going in for the emergency C-section, whether I liked it or not. Gone was my plan for the unmedicated birth. At 5:09 p.m. on September 16th, 2010, Viviana Melina  was born, shown to me, and whisked out of the room to NICU. She was exactly 4 lbs and 17 inches, and she was tiny. I was brought to recovery, and outside there was a tornado that destroyed a few homes in my neighborhood. I am told that I was yelling at my husband to call the neighbor or run home and check on our dog, Amos. Even in my drugged up state, I was terrified that he wasn't okay. Two days later, my blood pressure was still elevated, and the only reason that I was not admitted to cardiac ICU was that I wouldn't be able to see my daughter. My husband bribed the nurses to bring the baby to me (a platter of cookies goes a long way). My daughter was 2 days old, and I hadn't met her yet. She was in her ICU, and I was in the L&D version of mine. They did not send me to the postpartum wing where all of the other new mothers were cuddling their newborns. In hindsight, after seeing pictures of those first hours, it is probably better that I did not see her right away. She had tons of wires, and a CPAP (breathing) machine. It would have put me over the edge.

     Four days after having Viviana, I left the hospital, empty handed. My daughter went on to stay in NICU for two weeks. In my entire life, I have never felt like my heart was literally being ripped out of my chest until I had to go home every night, for two weeks, and leave my child in the hospital. The nurses were good, but they weren't Mommy. I felt I had failed her.

Poor little munchkin with all of her wires :(

Snuggled tight in her incubator

Being fed in the NICU. We started out with just a teaspoon of food at a time.

    To conclude my epic, all of our combined medical bills were staggering. Even with insurance, the out-of-pocket cost to us was a huge hit to our already-hurting finances. Luckily, my husband had secured employment, but was not due to start working until November 1st. His presence was a blessing to me, as I truly don't know how I would have gone through all of this alone, but my income was gone, and we were still trying to survive off of savings and his unemployment check. It has taken some time to recover from almost 2 years of his unemployment, all of the medical bills, and now the loss of my income, but things are starting to look up. Our daughter is 9 months old and absolutely thriving (thank God). You would never know she is a preemie. We are so blessed to have this miracle in our lives, even if it has been a bumpy road. I would do it ten times over to have the honor of being Vivi's Mommy.

My big girl!